Day 44 – Cake – “I Want to Love You Madly”

I love this song by the band Cake. They have long been one of my favorite bands. I love their rhythms, their smart lyrics and their attitude that always makes me laugh.

Part of the reason I am doing this project is so I can spend more time in the studio working out moves – getting exercise – discovering new ways of expressing and _hopefully_ honing skills. I was thinking this morning that up until I started this project I had relied on external structures to keep myself disciplined. Yoga classes were my main source of that recently, but over the years I’ve tried all kinds of programs both physical and mental to help me become the person I so desperately wanted to be.

I’m grateful for all those experiences and for everything I’ve learned and been trained in up until now. While I fully intend to continue to learn from different disciplines, I’m now focused on following the inner voice that moves me. Luckily, I have an inner voice that moves me and doesn’t just say, “Let’s just sit on the couch and eat donuts” all the time (only sometimes!) On a deeper level, I’m finding that I don’t feel the need to fix myself or anyone else. I’m finding that by doing this thing that feels so right to me, I’m more at peace with who I am in this moment.

That’s how I feel today anyway. I’m sure I’ll be tearing my hair out over future parts of this project, but at least I’ll be doing it because I truly feel this is the way to be the mostly fully expressed me. I’m giving myself permission to express and it feels like the healthiest thing I could ever do for myself.

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